The Protective Effect of Shared Family Meals
They say, “it takes a village”. This well-known phrase originates from an African proverb that emphasizes that it does in fact take many people to provide a safe, healthy environment for children so that they may thrive. Previously, the “villagers” were parents, siblings, community members, extended family, teachers, etc. Today, our “village” takes on different meanings for different family units but the idea still holds value (Reupert, 2022). Recovery and development is not meant to be an isolating experience. When we struggle with body image issues and disordered eating, we benefit immensely from support from our loved ones. And- having a positive family dynamic that is mindful of food and eating, it can be protective against body image issues and eating disorders in adolescents.
Family meals
Engaging in family meals has shown to be protective against the development of disordered eating and participation in weight-control behaviors among adolescents. Now, not all family meal dynamics may support this. Negative talk around weight or body, demonizing certain foods, and poor communication can encourage disordered eating behaviors for adolescents. According to one study, a greater frequency of shared mealtimes was associated with lower levels of weight control behaviors in young boys, and lower levels of unhealthy and extreme weight control behavior and dieting among girls. Alternatively, greater frequency with negative conversation around food and bodies or weight teasing did increase rates of weight control behaviors (Loth, 2015).
To protect against body image issues and disordered eating, I encourage implementing the habit of having family meals whenever possible and making it a priority even on busy days. Out at various sports practices until 7pm on a school night? Try to get a simple dinner in before bed. Everyone’s off to work or school by 7am? Even a quick breakfast at the kitchen counter may start the day off right for everyone.
Here are some phrases and talking points you can use to promote a positive environment at a family meal:
Simply, “Tell me about your day.”
Share one thing you’re grateful for today
“This smells so good”
“I’m glad we can all sit together to enjoy this meal”
“Do you need help with any homework after dinner?”
“What’s one thing you’re looking forward to this week/month/year?”
“Did you notice I added X to this recipe? What do you guys think?”
Involving kids in the kitchen
Children and teens have the capacity to learn and retain so much information in their formative years that we might as well take advantage of this time by helping them develop healthy habits and protect against disordered eating as best we can. One way to do this is to involve them in the cooking process, teaching them about foods and nutrients so that it has value to nourish and not to make your body look a certain way.
Ways to involve your kids in cooking and speak about food in positive ways:
Ask them to help with cooking prep such as washing fruits and veggies, chopping and slicing ingredients, measuring ingredients for recipes
Having taste test “experiments”: offer a variety of new foods you both want to try in small portions. Reflect on the feeling of them, the smell, the texture and the taste and then rank them in preference. This exposes children to new foods in a fun way that doesn’t feel forced. And- it doesn’t have to just be new fruits or veggies!
Have them identify the ingredients in a dish! If you’ve made a meal with several different types of veggies, grains, spices, etc, see if they can pick out what the dish is made up of.
Use age appropriate language to discuss health benefits. Maybe for toddlers and young children you can say, “orange fruits and vegetables help your eyes” but you can tell your teen that orange veggies like carrots have beta-carotene, a type of vitamin A that works to maintain vision and prevent inflammation and oxidative stress of the eyes (Johra, 2020).
Ask what they want to add to the weekly menu, have them help make the grocery list and take them shopping.
Family support in treatment
Sometimes it can be difficult to open up to a loved one about our struggles. We tend to avoid the feelings of discomfort and vulnerability but let’s remember that a “loved one” is just that! Someone who LOVES us no matter our struggles. Children and adolescents, especially, may have a hard time telling parents what’s bothering them thinking they may be able to “work through it” themselves or be unable to recognize the severity of an issue. If you start to notice your child or teen showing signs of body image concerns or disordered eating, start the conversation without judgement. This may sound like, “I’ve noticed you’ve started working out in your room. Do you want to talk to me about a routine we can do together?” or “I’ve heard you say you’re not eating carbs anymore. Can you tell me more about that?” This kind of dialogue opens the door for the conversation so that you as a loved one can better understand what’s going on and assess the need for more intervention.
For those in treatment, sometimes it is best to work 1:1 with a provider and other times it is helpful to have parents, siblings, grandparents or other family members involved to address areas within those relationships that may need work when it comes to body image and disordered eating.